A Proud Moment

Just to bring everyone up to speed... 37 weeks pregnant. It's 6:00 at night, so it's 1 hour later than I like to eat dinner v1. I'm tired of all things fried, battered and that can be ordered through a drive through (for anyone that knows me - that doesn't happen very often). After standing in the doorway of the refrigerator (5 mintues), freezer (5 minutes), pantry (5 minutes) - repeat this several times, I decide it would be nice to have fish (the frozen pre-packaged variety), green beans (the canned variety), baked potatos (Idaho variety) and rice.

The only trick is a) I have to wait for my husband to come home to cook the fish, because I don't know; b) I then have to call my mom to find out how to cook canned green beans (in my defense, I have to say she does a little something that makes me love her green beans, but the irony is worth noting); c) And then I have to Google "how to microwave a baked potato."

Sometimes, after moments like this, I have to remind myself that I'm good at a lot of other things.

I'd like to give a shout out to Uncle Ben for having easy to follow instructions printed on your packaging... today you were the only thing that didn't make me feel like a total moron.

It's for the Birds

So our backyard has been invaded by grackels. For those who aren't familier with grackels - they are the equivalent of rats with wings. Disgusting dirty blue/black birds that swarm, make insane amounts of noise that resemble horrible alarm clock alarms, nails on a chalk board or SQUAWK, EEEKK, WHIRP (where as other birds make noises like CHIRP and some even sing fabulous songs).

This is a problem for several reasons 1) where there is a bird, there is bird poop ==> where there are lots of birds... 2) I have an absolutely irrational fear of birds that are within close proximity to me. And of course, now this fear has been transferred over to our dog and daughter. So we are prisoners of our living room - we can only stand idely by and watch the grackels eat the dog and cat food in the backyard.

The Story Behind the Fear

I was in Orlando on a business trip about 6 or 7 years ago. I had been cooped up in a conference room for hours, so when it came time for a lunch break, I opted to grab a sandwhich and take it outside to eat it in the outdoor eating area that overlooked the lake. It was a gorgeaous day, there were about 10 to 15 others lunching at neighboring tables. I had noticed some birds hopping around on the ground, picking up leftovers and crumbies, but I didn't pay it much attention.

As I lifted the sandwhich up to my mouth and was taking a bite - out of nowhere, a HUGE GRACKEL SWOOPED DOWN AT MY FACE AND TRIED TO TAKE MY SANDWHICH OUT OF MY MOUTH. I FELT WINGS ON MY CHEEK. I was in disbelief - what was that? did I just get swooped on? am I going crazy? if that was in fact a bird, is it safe to finish eating this sanwhich? I looked around in total disbelief, people were staring at me wide-eyed, they had seen it too! Before I could even think about my "brush with death" (you know death due to pecking, or some sort of bird mite disease) I became enraged - sandwhiches are my favorite food! Then, people started asking me "are you alright?" "did you get pecked?" A woman who had been feeding her child quickly packed up and went inside, other business persons started gathering up their food to head back in. Holy Moly I had in fact just been attacked by a swooping GRACKEL!

It was like something out of an Alfred Hitchcock movie - horrifying. And to all of us who were there the day that the grackels tried to take over the world, we will forever be changed. I now know when a bird looks at me with those beady black eyes, it's not trying to decide if it should get out of my way, it's trying to decide if it can take me down...

Processing: Difference between men and women

JMo: "Our bank failed today."

EMo: "What are you talking about? My debt card worked all day today..."

JMo: Subtle roll of the eyes. "Washington Mutual failed today, JP Morgan bought it out."

EMo: "Oh."